I have been a terribly delinquent blogger lately!

I was feeling like complete and utter crap last week, culminating in one of my monstrous stomachaches on Saturday.

Interestingly, this fell on the heels of my follow-up appointment on Friday with that gastroenterologist, and (drum roll, please) A DIAGNOSIS! Finally, after years and years of stomach pains, he said that I have a hiatal hernia as well as inflammation in the lower part of my stomach, otherwise sometimes known as gastritis. They did a biopsy, and I tested negative for H.Pylori, which means no ulcer, however I'll be on these PPI drugs for the next six weeks or longer. They prevent the stomach from producing about 90% of the acid, and I'm happy about that. I'm also getting scheduled for a couple of more tests, one of which will be a tube down my nose into my stomach for 24 hours to see how and if food comes up the esophagus. Ugh. Fun wow.

However, the new meds and diagnosis didn't stop the horrid Saturday stomachache, and I was out for lunch with Am when it hit. I was in a foul mood to begin with, because I'd been so low-energy all week and I'd hit the godforsaken Santa Claus parade trying to get to where I was meeting her. I have no patience for xmas, and it's only the middle of NOVEMBER for christ's sakes, and I was feeling shitty. Am told me she was VERY worried about my health, as I looked and felt like crap, then left early with the stomach pains.

Anyhow, Sunday I was all better, and FULL of energy and elan, so whatever it was, it passed, thankfully. Am and I went for supper to Whole Foods with my new/old friend Julie, and it was REALLY delightful to hang out with her. I really feel like I have found a new friend in her. I can't have too many like-minded souls in my life. She's a high school teacher and guidance counsellor, and we were marvelling at her stories of working in an inner city, low income school and how she copes with it all. Such a fresh attitude!!!

***

OH! STOP THE PRESSES!! Speaking of a fresh attitude, Oscar just phoned me. He got a paid position at my workplace! YAY! He's been working without pay as a SISO intern for the last three and a half months, and a job came up and there were hundreds of applicants. BUT HE GOT IT! I'm so happy, I'm actually crying. That is fantastic news. I know I complain about my job a lot, and it's not the job for me, but it pays well and it's a dream job for a lot of people. Oscar has a great attitude about it, and as I've told him a hundred times, he classes the joint up. He's so professional and courteous and kind. We need more people like him there. Bob (another acquaintence of mine, whom I'd told about the previous posting) got the last job posted, so I'm SO grateful that I was able to help a couple of people get in there. Despite what I might think of it.

***

Eli is not well. I had to race him to the emergency vet on Sunday morning at dawn because he couldn't breathe. They gave him a steroidal injection and he was okay for a couple of days, but it seems to have worn off. He's gagging a lot, and the vet called today to say the new antibiotic they want to try him on is $100 for 30 pills. Fer fucks sakes. Highway robbery. Of course I'm getting it though. I love that boy.

***

Today was a great day at work. I was helping out James, doing my old job -- school offices. Two things I touched today, I fixed, which is SO satisfying for me. Then to come home to the good news about Oscar... wll it's been a great day on the work front. Now if only Eli would get a bit better.

Grateful for:
-- Oscar getting the job
-- working with James today
-- catching the whole radio interview with Malcolm Gladwell today on the Current
-- finding that Skin Tag remover kit at Shoppers' Drug
-- a great day.

__

It has been a very rough couple of weeks. Physically. I have not been functioning at 100%, in fact people KEEP commenting on how crappy/tired/pale I am, and honestly, I come home from work, whip off the bra and jeans and get under the electric blanket, and that's it until the next morning. I rarely eat supper, I rarely can get up the energy to do anything. It's been awful.

I'm so sick of complaining about it, though, I just want to feel better. I'm not officially sick, though, and I can function during the day, I just have VERY low energy interspersed with things like stomachaches, headaches and general malaise.

Yesterday, as I said in my voice post, I was sick with one of those godforsaken stomachaches and it was a complete write-off of a day. I was already not 100% when I dragged myself to meet Am at the Bean Bar (where I got the stomachache), mostly just to get out of the house. I was really delayed in getting there, though, as I had to detour around most of downtown due to the goddamn WAY TOO EARLY Santa Claus parade.

Oh. In case you are new to this blog, I do not "do" xmas, and have not done it in nearly a decade. 1999 was the last year I think I participated. In 2000, I put my foot down, and now I bow out of all festivities and I really just avoid it. It's hard though, when you get bombarded in EARLY NOVEMBER of all things. I try not to dwell on my hatred of the season, but rather to focus on the things I do like about December, such as a lot of time off work and an opportunity to travel (I usually go somewhere that week: NOLA for a couple of years in a row, NYC/NJ last year, and this year I might do Florida). I don't live my life focusing on the things I don't like, so I try not to let xmassy things ruin my day, but that Santa Claus Parade shite really put me in a bad mood. Then I got sick. And tired. And the day was wasted.

THEN!!!!

This morning I got up at 5:30 to Eli standing beside my bed, looking at me and gagging every 10 seconds or so. It was awful. That antibiotic is not kicking in, and he's a mess. I raced him to the emergency vet in Brantford, and they gave him a prednisone shot, but so far it doesn't seem to be doing jack shit. So we are all a bit of a mess around here. Never mind that I watched Strictly Come Dancing last night, and the host was out sick, and two of the celebrity dancers were injured (one couldn't even dance). It's like there is something astrological going on!

***

Bright side is, tonight Am and I are going to meet Julie for supper at the Whole Foods Buffet. We bumped into her a few weeks ago at the Psychic fair, and I adore her. It will be good to hang with her.

Grateful for:
-- Eli getting a prednisone shot
-- feeling pretty good today
-- having a car and a full tank of gas and being able to take 'Li in this morning
-- supper with Julie and Am
-- SCD which was great with Claudia on it last night!

__

I fear I may be coming down with something. Not H1N1, hopefully, as I have only one symptom: complete incapacitating fatigue. I can't really function. I was falling asleep at work on Tuesday at about 1 pm, came home early and slept like the dead for a couple of hours, then took Wee to the vet. While there, I was feeling really ill... kinda feverish and faint, but mostly just really disoriented that I'd had to get up and go out the door that tired.

BTW, Eli's (aka Wee, E, Wee Eee, Weelie, Eelie) breathing is awful. It's the worst it's been in years. I hope the shot kicks in soon!!

Anyhow, got home on Tuesday after the vet around 5 pm, and slept and or lazed horizontally like the dead for the next 38 hours. I shit you not. If I had a pedometer, I'm sure I wouldn't have cracked 250 steps yesterday. I laid in bed all day (called in sick). And all night.

Today I feel marginally better -- didn't pass out at work or anything -- but I came home and collapsed on the couch and slept like the dead for two full hours and just woke up feeling very disoriented.

The worst part is the kitchen is a fucking DISASTER. I simply can't remember the last time it was that bad of a mess. I have so many dishes to do, I don't know where to start, and my dishwasher is on the fritz. GRRR! I have no energy whatsoever to stand there and do them, either. But I have no more cat plates and no more knives.

***

Just got off the phone with Mom. She's going to come over and help me. LOL Smells like the good ol' days. :)

I have become somewhat obsessed by an author/neurosurgeon by the name of Allan Hamilton. I heard him interviewed on NPR on the way home from Washington DC a few weeks ago, and he was talking about his book, "The Scalpel and the Soul", and I'm dying to read it. My sister got it from the library and read it in two sittings; said it was riveting.

One of the stories in the book was about how he was operating on a colleague of his (against his better judgment... you really shouldn't perform surgery on friends!) as the fellow had a brain tumour, and wanted him as the surgeon. During the surgery, something went wrong, and in an effort to stop the bleeding, he nicked the part of the brain that governs speech. He said he knew he'd done it... it happened in the blink of an eye, and there was nothing he could do. He said as a brain surgeon, it's a horrible feeling, but you have to keep going.

Here is the best part of the story. He said that when the man recovered and realized he couldn't speak, Hamilton remembered something he learned in med school. Seems the part of the brain that controls SINGING is a different part of the brain than the one that controls speech.

So he asked his friend to try and sing.

And he sang.

Unreal.

If I couldn't speak, but just sing, that would be fine and dandy by me. I can think of nothing I'd rather do than sing, quite frankly.

I don't know why this story thrills me like it does, but it does.

Grateful for:
-- the vet calling me back last night and squeezing Eli in today for a shot
-- getting this school done in a timely manner
-- finding something else to listen to (other than CBC Radio One, as Andy Barrie is away all week and I'd rather eat bugs than listen to Matt Galloway. Ugh)
-- gorgeous 18 degrees yesterday
-- naps

__

HOLY HELL.

Would ya take a looksy at this:



That is the back of my right upper arm. I got an allergy shot there this morning. For nearly a year, I've been getting allergy shots in my left arm, but because I got H1N1 on the left side and it was still achey, they gave my allergy shot to me on my right side this morning. At about 9 AM.

Am took this picture at about 6 PM.

Unreal. I have a med student friend who took one look at the picture on Facebook, and told me that the H1N1 shot boosted my immunity so that when the allergy 'bug' was introduced via the shot today, my immune system went haywire. Wacky. Whackadoo, as a matter of fact. It looks so gross, I can't even stand to look at it. It's kind of hot and a bit swollen, but not itchy nor painful. So that's good. It just looks mortifying, is all.

My arm is VERY VERY VERY sore. It feels like someone punched it hard.

Why, you ask?

Because I got my H1N1 flu shot yesterday! Yipee! I was a bit unsure if I should get it as I've never had a flu shot before, but I am absolutely petrified of getting sick this year, and as I have asthma (a chronic disease affecting immunity, they call it), I fall into the category of people who can get it first. I had driven around last week to the various clinics, but in all cases, the line ups were in the 3-5 hour range, and I wasn't willing to waste a day like that. But I lucked out yesterday and one clinic had NO lineup. I was in and out of there in half an hour, and that included the 20 minute wait aftewards to see if I had a reaction.

No reaction other than the expected soreness, so I'm all good. I'm happy I got it. I have been following pocketrussian's saga and it's terrifying. She's been sick for nearly a month and it morphed into pneumonia. My boss is often inappropriate, and he sent us some long winded email saying before you get this shot, look at these websites (ie "educate yourself") and then sent a bunch of links to how 'vaccines cause autism'. Jesus Christ.

Yeah. I'll take that into consideration.

***

Grateful for:
-- getting the shot
-- delicious K cup coffee!
-- My CMT morning
-- a good night's sleep
-- sunny morning

Interesting! I woke up in a fantastic mood, very well rested, considering I didn't get much sleep. Everyone always says when you put the clocks back in the fall, you "gain an hour's sleep" but I don't gain an hour's sleep, but rather an hour's wake. LOL

So yeah. I woke up at 6 AM, which in real time, is 7 AM. The sun was starting to rise, which was nice. I LOVE it light in the mornings. I hate waking up in the dark.

I had had breakfast, caught up on all my headlines and fed the cats by 7. then had a leisurely bath, did some home repairs in the bathroom (drilled in a rack to put bottles in) and now I'm laying here under the blankie with a towel on my head having been up and at 'em for two hours. YAY!

***

Tracy, my quilting student, came over last night. We had a BALL! Her quilt pattern is a lot like the first quilt I ever made -- irregular, asymetrical... a bit of a challenge. But I showed her how to break it up into 3x3 squares and do it in chunks, and just to concentrate on each chunk so she doesn't get overwhelmed. At the end, she can assemble all the squares. We got one 3x3 square done, and she was so excited about it. I'm glad. It's SO much fun to quilt with someone who gets as excited about it as I do. I also introduced her to the world of fabric.com coupled with retailmenot.com coupled with the US Address place. I think I might have created a monster.

***

Am and I had a very long deep conversation last night about thus: If you took away your biggest problem (in her case, money woes, in my case, hating my job and this city), what, then, would be your biggest problem?

It was quite a stumper. You spend so much freaking time CONSUMED with the biggest problem in your life, you actually can't even imagine life without it. It's strange.

I think mine would be spiritual loss. I definitely feel like last summer, when I had effectively rid myself (albeit temporarily) of Hamilton and that shitty job, I felt a little bit lost at sea spiritually. I kept waiting for some grand revelation about life, the universe and everything, and it never came. I don't feel connected to those who have died (other than Phillip, as I've mentioned before) and I don't feel like I'm using my spiritual abilities to their fullest potential. But I don't even know where to start.

Heady stuff!!

I think I definitely need to get some focus on that front. It was Samhain on the weekend, and although I'm not pagan (officially, or actually, for that matter), I watched some YouTube clips of a woman whose channel I watch for unrelated purposes, but she happened to do a video about her Samhain and her altar. It was really lovely. She did the ritual on Saturday night that was similar to what Am and I do every astrological new years.

Yeah, I really need to start focusing on what I want, and taking steps towards those things.

Grateful for:
-- an awesome evening with Tracy!
-- smelling like Lush
-- waking up feeling fab
-- boyzies being adorable
-- toast!

Somewhat busy day ahead of me, even though I fell back asleep this morning and was able to get some much needed shut-eye! I went to the stag and doe of Chris and Steve last night... Chris is Am's hairdressing friend, and Steve is the guitarist/bassist in her band. It was a costume themed event, but I left before the costume contest because you know me... Anxiety kicks in and I just get angry when it's a popularity contest and scads of drunk people are involved.

Some of the costumes there last night were AMAZING though!!! My hands-down favourites were "Bubbles and Julian" from Trailer Park Boys. I couldn't stop staring -- they nailed it. Especially the guy doing Julian. He had a highball glass of rye and coke the whole night and just looked annoyed like the real Julian does.

Today I'm going to babysit my next door neighbours' son for a couple of hours, and then tonight I'm going to the drive-in with Doris to see that stupid Michael Jackson movie. I actually have no desire to see it whatsoever, but Doris has free passes to the drive-in, and I adore hanging with her. So that will be fun!

I *MUST* get Jeff's quilt done. It's been hanging on my railing for months, but it's such a mammoth job, I'm just dreading finishing it. I need to buckle down and finish it though, as he'll pay me when it's done and I could use the money and the railing space for more projects. LOL

***

I'm on a Lady Antebellum kick these days. I'm obsessed with this song of theirs. Even though she's slightly off key and he sounds like he's straining. LOL For what it's worth, I also have Lady Gaga's "Paparazzi" going through my head.

***

Grateful for:
-- making out to the stag and doe even though I was knackered last night
-- figuring out how to get more people streaming on my FB feed... fuck their 250 friend limit!
-- Eli loving his pill pockets
-- yakking with Paloma even though it's not December!

I'm upstairs in the guest room at Misha and Tim's on the outskirts of Washington DC. I'm actually in northern Virginia, and if you'd have told me years ago that I'd be hanging in Virginia and loving Virginians, I would have howled! HA

But I came back this year specifically for their epic Hallowe'en party, and I'm so glad I came. Not only was the party a blast as always (I meet the most awesome people every year!) but I WON THE COSTUME CONTEST! I'm sooooooooo happy! I have never won it, ever. At Polaris (Star Trek Convention) the year I went as Elvis, they gave out 20 awards to 25 participants and I got nothing. Wait, I got less than nothing, because they misspelled my name on the 'certificate of participation' and they told me they'd send me it, and they never did. Fuckers. It's why I have such a bad taste in my mouth about that whole experience. I'm not saying the Elvis costume was the best costume there, not by a LONG shot, but they were handing out awards to every kid who showed up, and yeah, I'll admit it, I was sulking.

A couple of years ago, I made a VERY elaborate Ren Faire queen costume coupled with a Mardi Gras crown, and at the bar I was at that night, the band stopped playing when I walked in, and announced, "THAT IS THE COSTUME TO BEAT!" Needless to say I lost to a guy with a felt penis on his head (dickhead) that night.

When I was in grade 7 and Am was in grade 8, she made the most smokin' Boy George costume (out of seriously ghetto items we had lying around the house, including an upside-down wicker planter as the hat and yarn for the hair!) and promptly won the "Best Costume" award at school that year.

I am not a jealous person by nature, but I was about that. The rest of my life I tried like the dickens to outdo myself every year with my costumes, and every year, I NEVER won, not even in the top three, or whatever for whatever event I was at. So I stopped entering costume contests and just decided to enjoy costuming for what it was, and expect nothing in return.

But it still sucked!!! LOL

Because at the end of the day, those contests are always popularity contests, and I don't win popularity contests.

So anyhow, Misha and Tim have a voting booth at their house party, and I won best costume!!! For the first time in my LIFE!!! It was a bottle of very fancy Tequila plus flask, and I don't even drink (HA) but I don't care, it's the joy of winning. I have spent a lot of years achieving my goals, and I'm good at doing what I want to do, but I often feel like that kid sitting alone in the high school cafeteria when it comes to popularity contests. And as much as you TRY to win one, you are not in control of it, so it sucks to never win.

Anyhow, I've got a bit of a headache (was drinking shitty Hamilton "Lakeport" beer that I brought as a gag gift, and it was delightfully awful for everyone who tried it! LOL) and I think we are doing a Bob Evans breakfast this morning. I have been up for almost two hours, sadly, I only got about five hours sleep, so I'm going to be zonked later today. I'm driving halfway home tonight, as the drive down was a BIT too ambitious... Google maps says 9.5 hours, but I stopped several times to eat, pee, nap and with the horrid rain the WHOLE way here, plus traffic, it took me 11.5. That's exhausting in the little Aerio, when I can't stretch out properly!

So yeah, I'll divide the driving in half today and tomorrow.

I'm so glad I came!

Grateful for:
-- talking to Jessi, OMG I LOVE THAT GIRL!
-- howling with Steve
-- Tim and Misha and their oh-so-amazing hospitality
-- WINNING THE COSTUME CONTEST! WHEE!
-- that black bean dip, OMG it's good!

I have been soooooooooo delinquent in updating!! I just made a YouTube vid for my channel, FINALLY at long last, trying to explain why my channel contains videos of me quilting alongside videos of me driving a transport truck.

Thought I'd pass it on here, if anyone is interested. Feel free to subscribe to my YouTube channel... "montyollie" as always.

I don't know if you guys know this or not... I only found out a few months ago, and quite frankly, I just didn't believe it, and I must have put it out of my mind for the disbelief factor.

Kids today are not taught cursive handwriting in school. It's not part of the curriculum. They are taught to print, but typing and writing, I suppose, are supposed to come naturally. Most kids are two finger typists, or don't capitalize or use punctuation because they were never taught to. They spend their whole young lives texting or IMing using mini keyboards or cell phones, so spelling and grammar go right out the window.

Anyhow, today I was in a Grade Seven class working on a computer and I overheard the 12 year old girls talking to each other.

"I can't stand it when adults do that writing that looks like scribbling" said one.
"I know, me neither. I can't read it!" said the other.

I shit you not.

I SHIT YOU NOT.

I got back to the lab and was talking to the computer teacher about this. I was gobsmacked. He very calmly told me that it was very common to hear that, and that sure enough, the kids today cannot write, cannot sign their name in signature form nor can they read handwriting.

My mouth was hanging open. Just gobsmacked.

He said it's not in the curriculum, although it can be introduced in Grade Three, most teachers don't because they just don't have time, and have too much other stuff that is mandatory in the curriculum to cover.

I SHIT YOU NOT!

I went back to the classroom, and by then, class was in session and the teacher had written a few things on the board. The kids were complaining that they couldn't read it. To be fair, this was an inner city school with a HUGE ESL population, but I will tell you that ESL was not the problem here.

Under a sentence, she wrote the word "share". She asked the kids to read it.

One yelled out, "store".

She got exasperated and erased it and printed it out. Told the class she would print today but that they would have to learn to at least read cursive writing at some point.

***

Am I the only person who is profoundly gobsmacked by this news?????

Holy crap, I haven't updated in so long!!!

So yeah. I GOT TO MEET STEPHEN COLBERT!! I was a puddle of goo for a few days afterwards. Really was the highlight of my fangirl life, as I never cared much for Brad Pitt when I met him. But Stephen? OH STEPHEN!

So catsnotkidsny used to work for a place that has a semi-regular fundraiser where Stephen Colbert is one of the guest entertainers. She said at the champagne reception afterwards he is pretty accessible and if I wanted her ticket, I could have it, and have the chance to meet him. I was humming and hawing because it was a hell of a drive to New York City, it was on a Tuesday which is a difficult day of the week, and my van was not reliable. But everything came together as it should have, and I got the Aerio and had some leftover vacation days from last year and BOOM, I took the opportunity.

Seeing as I had to take Mon-Tues-Wed off work, I ended up leaving home on Saturday morning and making an effort to go see the five Northeastern states that I had not yet crossed off my to-see list -- Vermont, New Hampshire, Maine, Rhode Island and Connecticut. I am SO glad I did this. Vermont is one of the most gorgeous states I've ever seen, never mind the hippy vibe and the awesome people. I toured Burlington, VT, the Ben and Jerry's ice cream factory, the Green Mountain Coffee place and drove highway 2 during PEAK FALL COLOUR SEASON. I was truly SQUEALING with delight in the car at times when I'd round a corner and see ANOTHER gorgeous vista of oranges and reds.

The first two nights I slept in my new hatchback -- modified vandwelling, I guess you could call it 'cardwelling'. It wasn't bad, but it sure as hell was not as comfy as the van!! The first night, I actually even forgot a mat, and slept on a lumpy surface. The second night, I bought a $6 mat at Walmart (yes, there are Walmarts in Vermont!) and it was much better.

I drove due east and opted to see Portland, Maine instead of Bangor. It was gorgeous. Spent the night in Portsmouth, NH. Then back down through Massachusetts, which I hadn't seen in years, and serendipitously picked Salem as a spot to get one of my National Parks Passport stamps. I try and get them from each state I go, but a lot are off the beaten path, and the traffic and parking situations in some places (ie Boston) are TERRIBLE. I was very lucky to find street parking in Salem, because I got to walk around that quaint little town in October, and I had no idea that it's a Hallowe'eny delight this time of year. I guess because of the 'witch trials' they capitalize on that, and the walking tour includes all kinds of little shops that sell tarot cards and have psychics on site and that sort of thing. I got my stamps and drove again, south, to Rhode Island. Got another stamp there, through Connecticut, where I am sad to say I didn't do anything much of consequence except get a free shower at a truck stop (I don't know why the guy gave it to me for free!) and then head to Jersey to visit with Zach and Jaymie.

I was driving around rush hour on Monday night through the area, and decided to take the long way around NYC (over the Tappan Zee Bridge to the New Jersey Turnpike) to get to Jersey. I was trying to merge into an offramp lane and when I saw a chance, I drifted right. I looked in my rearview, and saw a grey corvette coming up behind me so fast I actually felt nauseous. Somehow I cranked the wheel and got back into my lane and the grey corvette and his racing buddy, a white Acura, sped past me so fast I thought I would hurl. It was a full 45 minutes before I got to Zach and Jaymie's, and I felt physically sick the entire time. I have never in my life been so scared on the highway. Ever. They were stark raving lunatics, street racing. At rush hour. In Jersey. I didn't even know what to say or think.

Anyhow, I spent a great night yakking with Jaymie and Melissa, then up late pondering life, the universe and everything with Zach, and in the morning, took the bus to the city. I finally got to meet a woman named Martta, whom I'd missed the chance to meet last time I was there. She was DELIGHTFUL. We had lunch and then I trotted off to the Jazz-At-Lincoln-Center (JALC) to volunteer for the afternoon. My job was to greet the artists as they arrived and to take them up to their dressing rooms. It was a HOOT. They were jazz and classical musicians, and I really enjoyed shmoozing with them. Stephen Colbert wasn't due to arrive until much later, as he has his show to record, so I actually got in to see the concert and he arrived while I was watching it.

Afterwards, at the champagne reception, I sat by myself and marvelled at the chic-chic even and the NYC skyline. I spotted Stephen, bit the bullet and walked up to meet him. He was talking to another girl who was oohing and ahhing all over him, and when he was done with her, he turned on his heel pretty quickly and was about three steps away when I realized I was about to lose my chance. So I yelled "Stephen!"

He turned around and came back to me. He said, "Yes?" He stood right in front of me, and makes wildly great eye contact and is probably just a bit taller than me. I was a bit tongue tied, and all I could muster was "Hi, I'm Jo. Big fan. Can I get a picture?" He said, "OF COURSE" and snatched the camera out of my hand. It was Erin's camera (mine was on the complete fritz) and he said, "I'll take it. I'm very good at this". It was truly hilarious. He has mastered the art of the "myspace self portrait". I was giggling like a schoolgirl, and when the pic came out, he said, "OH SEXY!". I told him he was the bomb.

And that was it. Drove 2,000 km, took three days of vacation from work for three sentences with Stephen, and it was ALL WORTH IT.

I had a great time with Erin -- I'm forever in her debt for hooking me up with such an opportunity! And I'm so glad I got to visit with Martta, Zach, Jaymie and Melissa. Good times.

I love this time of year so much.

Here it is again, for good measure:



Grateful for:
-- getting to meet Stephen Colbert!
-- getting all caught up on my British shows yesterday
-- Natasha taking such good care of my boys
-- Stanley curled up beside me as I write
-- long weekend again! WHEE!

I'll blog more later, but for now, I'll leave you with this...



I <3 STEPHEN COLBERT!!!!!

I have a crazy busy couple of weeks ahead of me. I like having plans, though. Plans and me -- we get along.

This afternoon, I went to the visitation at a funeral home. One of my coworker's sons committed suicide. I think he was about 23. It is an absolute tragedy. She is one of my favourite coworkers and my heart just bleeds for her. I was trying to get her to come to Al Anon with me over the last year, when I knew things had gotten bad for her. Can't control another's addiction, no no no. And sure as hell can't change people's behaviour. I guess parents always think they can when it's their kid. Alas.

It was very sad, but she seemed remarkably stoic. When Vinnie killed himself ten years ago, Rick was a Capital M Mess. I didn't even go to the funeral because I wasn't comfortable lying about the cause of death (as Rick had asked us to do). Sharon was telling everyone quite candidly about it, and she was saying things like she'd done all she could and she knew it wasn't her fault. I was glad to hear it. She's grieving, but she's not blaming herself, and that's HUGE with suicide.

***

Tomorrow I am scheduled for an 'endoscope' which is a minor medical procedure where they put a camera down your throat. I guess they sedate you somewhat (I'm not sure to what capacity) but I can't drive, so I'll be walking down and cabbing it home. And I have to fast. Ugh. Then hopefully once I regain my bearings (HAHA) I can tidy up the house in preparation for a girl I knew from high school -- her name is Tracy -- coming over so I can show her how to quilt. YAY! My first 'student'! HAHA I love so much that I can pass on what I've learned. It was an uphill battle, what, not coming from a quilting family and having precious few people to ask for tips. Mostly everything I learned, I learned from YouTube. And Paloma. Which is better I guess. This way I'm not trapped in 'granny-style tradition' and I have multiple sources to teach me whatever catches my fancy.

So I'm really looking forward to that. I just talked to her on the phone and she doesn't even have a rotary cutter or mat! I can give her the spares that I inherited from Beth's mother in law. YAY! Regifting to new quilters!!

***

Thursday I'm getting my old stereo installed in my new car, and Friday (hopefully) I'll leave for my mini-vacay to the Northeast states. I have plans with Erin in NYC on Tuesday so that gives me three full days to enjoy New Hampshire and Vermont, even HOPEFULLY Maine, Connecticut and Rhode Island. Even if I just get a little look around and a national park or two, I will be happy. After that, I'll only have Idaho and Hawai'i left on my list of American states to see. All that's left in Canada is Newfoundland and Northwest Territories proper. I used to live in the NWT, but geographically, that area is now called Nunavut. I've still only been the Yukon portion of the Western Arctic. And I went to PEI only for lunch, once, so I really ought to give that province another shot. LOL

The following week is Canadian thanksgiving, so it's a short week at work, and the week after that I'm leaving on the Friday to go to Misha's most amazing Hallowe'en party near Washington DC.. WHEE!!

I love Rocktober!

ROCKTOBER ROCKS!

Grateful for:
-- no reaction on the allergy shot
-- getting my appointment for my stereo
-- Tracy coming over tomorrow
-- meeting up with the goils at Williams' yesterday for chai and convo!
-- laughing with James

__

I'm going to Washington DC for the mother of all Hallowe'en parties, and I figured I'd make my lovely hostess a little gift -- a table runner. The whole thing took three hours, beginning until end, and it came out quite nice! I think it's about 15" x 48" or so, and I messed up the back a bit, but it's okay. It's the back, right? LOL I was experimenting with angles for the first time (I've only ever worked with squares and rectangles up until this point) so my foray into angles left the piece smaller than I thought, and I had to add some odd 1" border that got mostly eaten up in the binding anyhow.

On the bright side, her name is Misha and it looks like a big "M" so that worked out well!

Anyhow, like I said, I like how it turned out! Each orange/purple/black panel on the front was a different size -- the middle one was 7" wide, the next two, 6", the next two, 5" and so on. the ones on the end are 3" (oh, less a half inch for seam allowances).



( More pics below the cut )

I have done a bunch of things things this morning, and I feel so productive! Just made lunch, too, and it looks and tastes DIVINE!



Curry in a hurry...

-- throw some garlic and garam masala and coriander powder in some hot oil
-- add two big bags of baby spinach, a couple of chopped up tomatoes and a can of drained and rinsed chick peas
-- squirt some lemon juice on top
-- simmer for five or ten minutes

THAT'S IT.

Oh, I've also got multigrain bread baking in the breadmaker. YUM!



Grateful for:
-- feeling better (still a runny nose, but definitely on the mend!)
-- good food
-- energy to tidy up
-- dishes done, room cleaned, one and a half out of six curtains made
-- SCD tonight!

I am home sick from work today. Phooey. It doesn't feel like the flu, thank god, but it's got me feeling crappy enough that I'm just laying here swigging DayQuil and grateful for the time to just chill.

Someone just asked me in yesterday's entry why I sold my van to such a loser, and it's a good question. I have found myself OFTEN asking myself why I choose to hang around with the people I do... why I attract to me the people I do... why I seem to have a VERY long history of befriending then unceremoniously dumping whackadoos. I had a sordid history with drama-queen alcoholic boyfriends, but I've been single for 10 years now, and I recognized that trait early on, and thankfully nipped it. I still find myself ATTRACTED to that sort of man, though, I just no longer act on it. So half the battle was won, but the war wages on.

As for female friends, I usually find myself in a whirlwind of decent friendships with what seem like nice normal people and then usually at some point, they turn on me. I'm sure I've blogged about this a thousand times. Most recently, it happened again, and then Am, Paloma, Adrienne and I came to some excellent conclusions about why it seems to happen so regularly.

First off, I will always look in the mirror first, and take responsibility for my part in things. I am not a 'victim' and not a 'victim of circumstance' and people don't do things TO me, rather, I attract people with problems, because I have a problem. The great thing about knowing you have a problem is knowing that you have it within you to FIX that problem. If you are a victim, then you have to just hope and pray things get better, because it's out of your hands to begin with. I don't care for that scenario.

My problem is pretty simple. I struggle SO MUCH with fitting in, feeling like I don't fit in, etc, yet I was kind of blessed with an extremely extroverted bubbly friendly warm personality. So that combo means when I meet someone that I think is a slight (or extreme) social outcast like myself, I INSTANTLY turn on the charm and try and make that person feel welcome and loved. My mother always used terms like "loving the unlovable" when we were kids, and it was some whacked out christian thing to aspire to. It seeped in deep with me. It's very much a core part of who I am.

Couple that with my Leo nature, and I LOVE being the big fish in the small pond. I love being THAT GIRL with the HUGE HEART who could possibly LOVE A GUY LIKE THAT or find something lovable in a person like that. It makes me feel good about myself. I pat myself on the back. I get something out of befriending losers. It's a sense of great self-satisfaction, that I'm better than everyone else. I am saintly. I can find the good in anything. Aren't I awesome?

Because I'm a big fat open and honest book, what you see is what you get with me, and that's refreshing to a lot of people. When I love someone, I authentically love them, and I'm pretty free and easy with the affirmations. I bandy about words like "BFF" and I make people feel like they are something special in my life.

That is not to say they are not -- they usually are, but yeah, I will admit I overuse terms like "BFF" and I probably give off some vibe whereby people think I like them a lot more than I really do. I don't know. I like everyone. Darcy told me that once, and I laughed, but maybe it's true. I really do genuinely like most people. I tend to find the good in people.

So... this brings us to the breakdown of the friendship. Adrienne postulated that at some point, these people are going to clue into a personality trait of mine that they won't like. Probably brutal honesty or strong unpopular opinion or judgmentalism or something along those lines. They will take it very hard, and be very hurt that I was not the friend they thought I was. They will lash out. In some less formalized friendships (internet mailing lists and discussion board dramas spring to mind), these people hide behind the anonymous veil of the net, and lash out in ways that they never would in real life. I have been called a 'turbocunt' online. I have had something like a DOZEN women gang up on me and spit vitriol that I didn't even comprehend. I have had boyfriends and close friends freak at what a "cold hearted bitch" I am because I supposedly turn it off on a dime, when in reality, maybe it was never turned on to begin with, I just led them to believe it was.

It was an excellent hypothesis.

The solution, therefore, lies in me recognizing this trait in myself -- this whacky need of mine to befriend people with problems and embrace them to make them feel like they have a friend, in a effort to cover up my terror of not having friends, and seek out happy healthy people and form true friendships.

It's an uphill battle, I think. I don't think I'm a very good friend. I have a terrible track record for keeping friends. The friends I do have are scattered far and wide, don't call or come around, and what's left here in Hamilton are people like Tooshie. He bothers with me. He shows up at the plate. He is there when I need him. That is really rare in my world, so I appreciate that on a level I can't always articulate. I take the bad with the good, and the bad is awful. Normally I'd ditch that friendship (and I likely will with him... our history has been: friends for a bit, HUGE fight, don't speak for several years, bump into each other, friends again, and cycle starts all over again). It just so happens he fell back into my life with some problems (needed a vehicle, etc.) and I happened to have what he needed. And I needed someone to drive my van home from London, and he happened to be free that day So that sort of thing.

Sure he's crazy. Sure he's the wounded bird with the broken wing that I just LOOOOOOVE. Adult children of alcholics (ACOA) are notorious for "confusing love with pity and pity with love" and I have struggled with that my whole life. Even after all these years of being aware of the concept, I still have trouble separating the two in my brain. When I think about those two emotions, they feel the same in my belly. Seriously. How sad is that?

Anyhow. That's that for now. Hope that answers the question "Why do you bother with losers?" LOLOL! I am working on it, but it's hard.

__

The drama llama likes to stand on my front lawn. Shit on it. Ring the doorbell so that I can look out the window and watch it shitting on my front lawn.

I want the drama llama to GO AWAY Seriously.

So getting the van transferred into Tooshie's name and getting the plates off it seemed to be one stupid tooth-pulling nightmare after another. First off, he had no idea that he had to insure it. So I handed him my cell phone and he called his insurance company and insured it. I overheard him while he did it, and I heard a voice on the other end, so I'm going to presume that call was on the up and up. I'm also going out on a limb here, and presuming he has insurance. LOL

Then when we went to get it transferred, he 'found out' he had nearly $500 in outstanding fines on previous plates, so he couldn't get new plates until those were paid off. He said he wanted to fight them, so I gave him a couple of days grace while he looked into getting the fines reduced. He found out that he can apply, but it's seven tickets with a minimum of a $20 fee per ticket and basically it would take several weeks until it's resolved. I told him I wanted the van out of my name ASAP. He gave me some HUGE song and dance about not having the money and I said I would even FRONT HIM some of the money and take a REDUCTION on what I was going to charge him for the van strictly for the stress-reduction of getting it done today. He really didn't like the idea but I was having NONE of his shit, so we met up at the Ministry.

Anyhow, we got to the counter, and it turns out you can transfer ownership in an "unfit" state -- and he only had to pay $40 in tax and $10 for the certificate. YAY! So that got done today. I told him to bring my plates over to my house in about an hours time. I can't tell you how relieved I was, because frankly I don't trust the guy, and I know he's up to no good, so the sooner this was all dealt with the better. I will worry about him paying me for the van later. Believe it or not, that is the least of my concerns. I got my money's worth and I never expected to get much for it. Plus, I do want to help Toosh out... I know how it feels to have no money. Anyhow, I said take the plates off the van in its 'unfit' state parked somewhere until such time as you can safety it, and bring them to me. Or I'll even come and get them.

And thus the fun began. He showed up at my door (several hours late, of course) begging... I means SERIOUSLY BEGGING me to let him keep them for a few days while he ran some errands. I told him he was nuts, the plates were no longer associated with the van at all. PLUS they were in my name, and NO he wasn't going to do illegal things under my name. No no no a thousand times no. I stood there on the front lawn for about 15 minutes while he talked more shit and begged some more. It was quite unnerving. I remember once when I was with Ian, we had some huge fight and I was going to leave, but my car was under his name, and he freaked on me and took the plates off my car out front so I couldn't leave. Said they were his plates and fuck you.

I don't think I can adequately put into words how much I HATE shit like this in my life. I have had ZERO drama in my life in years, and there is a reason for that. I thought I'd eliminated it out of my life. But NOOOO Tooshie is drama fucking central.

Anyhow, I stood over him while he drilled the plates off and the whole time he was practically crying, begging me to let him keep them and saying that it was only illegal if he put his plates from his BMW on the van, not if he drove around with my plates. I don't know what that guy is smoking, but I now vividly remember how much nonsense goes on with him.

So. Van is in his name and out of mine. Insurance is in his name and off mine. My plates are now in my possession.

I'm coming down with a cold -- I can feel it. My throat is killing me and I just took Benedryl AND Nyquil. And had to fucking go feed the drama llama outside. Talk about a bullshit night.

__

Toosh is so retarded. I knew this would happen. He's always up to no good, and I simply do not trust him.

We went yesterday to the MoT to transfer the van into his name. He got insurance on it (duh, didn't even know he had to do that), but couldn't get the ownership or the plates because HE HAS $500 IN OUTSTANDING FINES ON PREVIOUS PLATES.

I just cannot comprehend that level of idiocy. Why don't you pay your fucking fines? I don't understand. He's wasting so much of my time and energy, I am fed up.

Well, bright side is we got the seats from mom and Am's, and the insurance transferred over. So all that is left is for him to pay those fines and get the plates.

Grrr.

Grateful for:
-- half done that stupid project
-- getting my new MACHINGERS quilting gloves from Lucy at the Quilt Rack (she special ordered them for me)
-- side project (paid) to make curtains for Harry Stinson! YAY
-- DWTS being fun last night
-- rainy day!

__